


Mulan's Secret Power

by TooManyFandomstoCount



Category: Mulan (1998)
Genre: Crack, Doctor Who References, Gen, Mulan has magical/mutant makeup removing hands, My First Work in This Fandom, Shang is oblivious but helpful, Weirdest thing I have written, beware makeup ninjas, modern AU sorta, okay no more spoilers, okay there's only one, read the story, this gets her in trouble with makeup companies
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-19
Updated: 2016-03-19
Packaged: 2018-05-27 14:15:42
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,025
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6287875
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TooManyFandomstoCount/pseuds/TooManyFandomstoCount
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Mulan's ability to wipe off makeup gets her in trouble and she goes on the run, meeting Shang along the way.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Mulan's Secret Power

**Author's Note:**

> So this ridiculous idea came into my head today and I had to write it. I hope you guys like it. Also, Mushu is Mulan's pet lizard and Shang's dad is a paranoid and rich guy.

She was breathless and panting when she caught up to him. She grabbed his arm and dragged him along.

“What’s your name?” she asked, out of breath.

“Shang. Uh, Li Shang,” he was surprised he was able to get the words out, between the shock of being dragged by a total stranger and the fear of not being alone on the deserted road he used to think.

“Nice to meet you, Shang. Run for your life!” the girl dragged him along until they found an alley, where they stopped and panted, the stranger leaning her arm against the wall as she caught her breath.

Sheng studied her. She was very pretty, with slightly tan skin, stick-straight raven hair that reached her hips, and a lithe figure. She was wearing a beautiful dress with both green and blue in it that somehow didn’t clash.

Her upturned deep chocolate eyes were wild and scared.

“Okay, will you tell me what the hell is going on here?” he asked, dumbfounded.

“Course” she said, breathing heavily. “They’re after me…YouTube video…Clinique…gotta run.”

Shang raised an eyebrow. “Uh. Maybe I should ask for the long version of this story.” His eyes lit up with an idea. “We can stay at my dad’s place! He was a general in the army, so he’s extremely paranoid about security. We should be safe there. Then you can tell me what happened.”

This time he led her by the arm, weaving through all of his familiar shortcuts and making sure they weren’t seen.

 

When they got to his dad’s formidable mansion, he spoke clearly into the intercom by the gate. 

“Li Shang and guest. Unarmed, in danger.” He enunciated clearly.

“Now say your name so we can get through the next few levels of security,” he told her, secretly happy he’d finally be learning her name.

“Fa Mulan,” she imitated his almost robotic tone.

After the next fifteen levels of security, including at least five retinal scans and two DNA tests involving blood, they got into the large house.

“Do you have to go through that every time you go home?” she asked, incredulously.

“Only when I bring an unknown person with me. Now you are in the database, so simple voice identification, heart monitor with retinal scan, and blood test will suffice. There’s also no way a person can force you into this or hack the system or use your eyeball, as the heart monitor makes sure you are alive and it is your heartbeat as you are scanned.”

“Cool,” she said, eyes lit up in wonderment. 

 

They went into the huge living room and Mulan gracefully sat herself down on an ornate loveseat. 

“I suppose I should tell you my story now,” she said, eyes sad and hunted.

Shang plopped down on a couch facing her, looking at her expectantly.

“Well it all started a few weeks ago,” she began. “I was going on my first date with a guy and my mom got overexcited and had my hair and makeup professionally done. As you can see now,” she gestured to her face, “I am not a fan of makeup. The date went horribly because of a cricket, and I went home crying. I looked into a mirror, trying to identify myself through the thick mask of makeup. I was also singing softly, and I didn’t know I was being recorded.” She closed her eyes in regret, presumably about not making sure of her surroundings. “I tried to take off my makeup, one half at a time.” Her voice broke, and she looked traumatized. “The makeup wasn’t even good, it was the kind that smears easily. But I took it off half of my face with one swipe of my hand, no water or makeup remover needed.”

Shang gave her a blank look.

She sighed. “I suppose you wouldn’t understand how big of a deal that was. Anyway, my stalker posted the video on YouTube and that’s when the shit really hit the fan.”

“What happened?” asked Shang, eagerly.

“The video went viral. People were saying I was magical, that my hands could somehow remove a whole face of makeup with one swipe. I got paying offers to help random people remove their makeup at night, pay as high as $1000 per swipe if I agreed to do it every day for at least six months!”

Shang gave a low whistle. “I hope you capitalized on that talent, Mulan.”

“I almost did. Then the makeup companies started coming after me. Mac, Sephora, Covergirl, and…and C-Cli-Clinique. I ran from them, not knowing if they were going to try to kill me or study me. Eventually they gave up. Everyone besides Clinique, that is.” She rubbed her temple as if remembering was causing her stress. “They sent people after me, strong people. I think they were makeup ninjas-no, don’t laugh!”

It was too late. Shang was cracking up.

Mulan glared at him and continued. “These ninjas were fast and smart. They managed to corner me and I only narrowly escaped, running down an abandoned road, which is where I met you. My parents must be worried sick!”

Shang went over to her and gently laid an arm on her shoulders. “Your face is beautiful, but generic enough that we can hide out in China until this all blows over.” He ran a strand of her hair between two fingers, holding it at a point above her shoulders. “We could cut your hair, maybe even dress you up like a man as we get on the plane. I can make you a fake passport, what do you want your name to be?”

“Ping,” she said with certainty. “Also, can we take my lizard Mushu with me? He’s in my bodice.”

She took a scaly green lizard out of her dress.

Shang shrugged and started working on her passport. When they were finished, he and Mulan changed into some plain male clothes and he cut Mulan-Ping’s hair.

 

“To a new life?” he toasted later, holding a flask of champagne. 

She grabbed it, gulped it down, and burped. “To a new life,” she agreed.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you liked this weird fic. Please leave kudos or a comment!


End file.
